I don’t know what I’m doing

Dea Ratna
2 min readJun 22, 2021

I think it’s fair to say that the past year has been hard on everyone. But it’s harder for some than others. I feel fortunate enough that I’m part of the group where the pandemic hasn’t affected me severely.

Though my dad passed last year due to cancer, my life outside of that grief isn’t, well, terrible. Despite the ongoing, rising cases of COVID in this country, none of my immediate family has been severely sick. (Whether we contracted COVID or not, that’s another question.) Despite people losing jobs, I’m actually earning money. Not a lot of money, but enough that I can somewhat support myself. This is, of course, helped by the fact that I’m living with my family and I don’t have rent or electricity bills to pay and am occasionally fed, too.

Why am I here again?

Anyway, I’ve been slacking on updating this page for quite a while. I actually have several drafts I’ve started, but I just never had the energy to refine it and publish it. It’s a miracle that I’m even writing this.

But writing is also exhausting now. I’m now officially a writer for a living. I make money putting down words on a digital page. And that takes all of my energy to write most days.

There are all these fiction ideas floating in my head but I just can’t muster sitting in front of the computer to write something else.

It’s kind of tiring.

But hey, on the plus side, I just noticed that because of all the typing I’ve been doing, I no longer need to look at the keyboard while I’m typing. So that’s that I guess?

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Dea Ratna

Sometimes writing, occasionally photographing, always wondering.